MY HERO

My mum is a warrior - she is fierce… for those of you who do not know her? You may not figure this out when you first meet her.She is living in a seniors home and is immobile. Still, she is undoubtedly one of the strongest women I know.

Dorothy Dianne, or Dee Dee, as she is affectionately known, lost her father at the young age of twelve. Without going into great detail, I can tell you that her childhood was less than idyllic. She then lost Larry (my dad), the love of her life, when she was 45 years old. They had known each other since they were children and been together almost as long. What a tragedy…

I was gutted when I lost my dad, but I was more emotional about the fact that my mum lost the love of her life. I remember the emotions and feelings of loss the year after I lost my dad. But I also remember crying myself to sleep, wondering how my mum was doing - alone for the first time in at least 30 years.

When she was 50 she decided that the law wasn’t for her. She also realised that I was not ready to go back to work and leave my 5 month old (this was before Canada instituted a yearlong maternity leave). She decided that she needed to retrain and she moved to RMH to take care of Brayden AND change careers. How many women of her generation would be brave enough to do that while supporting their child? Let me also say here - how incredibly grateful I was - to have her with me- even for those 10 months…

Around 2010 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. Her own mother died of the disease when she was in her 50’s. But my mum was told that she was the “poster child” for regular mammograms - she did her radiation while working full time and came out the other side… another reason for me to admire her and be in awe of her!

About seven or eight years ago (I can’t believe it has been that long) she became very sick with Pneumonia and during a late night Emergency Room visit with my sister, she was diagnosed with lung cancer that had metastasized to her liver. WIth treatment, she was expected to be with us for about 9 months.

This is another reason to be grateful for connections in healthcare. My sister had been working at the Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton for years! She was a wealth of knowledge and was able to ensure the best care for our mum. Still, we took her to the ocean, made sure she enjoyed a fabulous dinner of steak and lobster, and so on... Did you read earlier that this occurred 7ish years ago??? She DEFIED the odds - and after her 4th “last supper” at Red Lobster, we began to understand what a miracle she was. Her doc at the Cross had even gone back at one of her follow up appointments to make sure that she had actually had cancer.

My mum is an inspiration to me… not just because of beating cancer twice…

When I was growing up she was always fighting for a cause - for the rights of someone! And back then? This did not always hold her in good stead… it meant that in a small town, she was often passed over for jobs and employment opportunities that she was more than qualified for… I did not realise at the time - but I totally learned this from her and I am proud to say it!

She always stood up for what was right and just - she fought hard for what she believed in. A family member recently commented on how surprised they were that I was as “liberal” as I was, growing up in a small Manitoba town. They obviously did not understand who my parents were!

Then there was the CoronaVirus… I remember when it was in the first few months (so scary) and my mum tested positive… a phone call with my sister where mum had shared how incredibly hot she was (FEVER) and we cried together because the odds were not in her favour. She was SURE her heat was not working in her room and - SHE WAS RIGHT!! She had dodged yet another bullet and beaten the odds… Covid was no match for her…

The reason I am writing about “nana” now is because just over a year ago I thought she was gone for good… even though she had beaten the odds all those times before, starting when she was just a little girl, I thought she was gone.

Just over a year ago, she had a stroke. And on Christmas Eve I was on a video call with my sister saying goodbye to her. Our experience with Alberta Health Care during this experience is a blog post for another time!! I have photos of my mum that are unrecognisable - she was not there!! She didn’t make a lot of sense when she did come out of it - we assumed that “nana” as we knew her, was gone. How wrong were we!!

One year later, she is exactly the way she always was. Unfortunately, the chemo that she had to do during her lung and liver cancer (the 9 month prognosis) did a number on her legs so she was not able to return to her previous lodge. Did I mention that she had broken her ankle and displaced her knee when she had her stroke (the knee was not discovered for WEEKS). She had surgery on her ankle and then her knee months later (again - healthcare????). As a result she was immobile for months!!

At this moment, she is in a temporary lodge. She is waiting to get into one of her top three choices. I should mention at this time, how grateful I am to my sister for being there for mum while I live (literally) across the world. I talk to mum every week, but I have the peace of mind to be here in Japan because I know Michelle is such an amazing advocate for our mum.

She is funny and witty and amazing! When I ask her how she is (knowing she is not where she wants to be) she most always says that she is “pretty good”. She doesn’t see much of her family, other than Michelle, and she is definitely is not intellectually stimulated where she is - but she NEVER complains. I am in awe of her and admire her so much.

So much of her experience in healthcare and her journey of the last several years makes me so afraid to become “old”. I hope Canada and the government can get their act together and that senior care improves. But - I MUST emulate her strength and perseverance. She is a miracle. I love her very much.